CSR Maude: Meanderings (32) Bill’s Turn

I woke the next morning. I was not laying on my side next to Bill. I guess he had moved my head onto one of my pillows last night. How I slept through that... I really must have been tired. Waiting before I got too dismayed, I realized that Bill's arm was around my waist.…

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CSR Maude: Meanderings (31) Deepening Dependence

We were both a mess that morning, crying, hugging, crying some more... Well, Bill had asked me to marry him the night before. I... There is nothing in the universe I wanted more! And just a week ago, I didn't even know that... Well, I looked at the clock... We weren't late, but we needed…

CSR Maude, Post Notes

How old should you be to continue reading this story?  I don't know, maybe 17?  Still, I know I can't even enforce this.  It is just that the growth of the intimacy of devotion between Bill and Maude is an important aspect of this story. Adding the mature category seems unavoidable as a result. Still,…

CSR Maude: Meanderings (30) Having Bill Around

I slept well, and woke with the sun. Then I smiled. My hair tumbled playfully as I sat up on Ed and Edna's bed, and my head didn't hurt at all. That meant Bill was close. That is why I smiled. I deeply wanted that, Bill close. And I reminded myself that, now, this was…

CSR Maude: Meanderings (29) Slow

Well, after an amazing sunday, it was late afternoon, and I mentioned to Bill that I did have chores to do to get ready for work tomorrow. He said he still had stuff to do too, so I walked back to the farmhouse and inside. Well, I actually walked very slowly, and looked carefully where…

CSR Maude: Meanderings (28) Peace

The sun woke me up the next morning, like it usually does. I was about to jump up off the couch, and rush to get ready to walk to the Diner. Trying to remember if I had any clean clothes (dark blue t-shirt and jeans of course, my work clothes), I looked at the clock,…

CSR Maude: Meanderings (27) Just Another Customer

Well, we were absolutely swamped... And it was stinking hot... It was all I could do to keep the windows (and even doors) open, the fans pointed the right way, the blinds adjusted, and keep everyone fed with the right meals. It was a weekend later in may (Saturday I think), and people came and…

CSR Maude: Meanderings (26) Not Again…

Maybe the salesmorons hybernated during the winter, too. I don't remember having much problems with them during that time. That was probably good though. I didn't need that on top of everything else. I mean, four of them had tried to gang-rape me last fall. That really shook me up. But, after a while, I…

CSR Maude: Meanderings (25) Just Bazaar

Well, it was definitely warming up. Maybe hot is a better word. Maybe really hot. I absolutely had to carefully watch opening windows and playing with the fans. The shades needed constant attention too. This day wasn't the first time I had to do that since early last fall, but it was very hot... I…

CSR Maude: Meanderings (24) True Zombie

Well, at least it wasn't freezing cold. I had to wonder if, during the winter, maybe I had hybernated or something. Most of those really cold months, well it was right after Edna had died. I had to start the Diner up again, solo, all the while bleeding inside myself. It was just excruciating. So,…

CSR Maude: Meanderings (23) April’s Fool

Well, it was a monday, and I was walking slowly to work, to the Diner. I wore Edna's old sweatshirt, but half way there, I took it off and tied it around my waist. People said it was spring, the season. Maybe late spring, it was warming up. I was so grateful for that, at…

CSR Maude: Beginnings (22) Sigh…

Needy... Why is it that, for as long as I remember, I have to be so needy, so vulnerable? I can only remember less that a year ago, but still... My first words to Edna after she found me on her back porch... I was a scared little girl, afraid of just about everything. And…

CSR Maude: Beginnings (21) Warming Up

The next few weeks were like a slow thaw. Nothing abruptly changed, except we did have a few days that were really amazing. Well, the sun felt nice and warm, and the air was not absolutely freezing. I actually dragged a chair from the house and sat in the sun in the back yard (away…

CSR Maude: Beginnings (20) Trying to Find Warm

The next month, february, was just plain cold... well, freezing... The locals said this winter was about normal. Even the snow-storms that blew through, that was normal, too. Well, I don't like cold anyway, but snow... I didn't like that stuff at all. But windy cold weather did make me so thankful for this thick…

CSR Maude: Beginnings (19) Month of Sundays

Well, I heard someone use this phrase. It was hard to know what they meant, and I forgot to ask, or I was busy... I had to guess. It is just... That first january crept along so slowly... And I knew that I spent so much effort just trying to stay warm, well maybe even…

CSR Maude: Beginnings (18) Settling In, Again…

Starting a new work week after over a week of no Diner... I felt like I was starting all over, and had to settle in... again... And, a new year even... As I pulled my new twine tight that morning, I found myself wanting to laugh at the thought that "maybe it would change this…

CSR Maude: Beginnings (17) Bittersweet

Saturday morning I woke up late. I had spent the entire day yesterday working on my journal. That was a lot. And most of that dealt with a difficult time for me. Well, here and now, I would start back into work at the Diner in two days. I really did hope it would get…

CSR Maude: Beginnings (16) Capturing Devastating Loss

I woke up that next morning, friday morning, already crying. I knew what I had to do. As I worked through writing about Edna dying, I realized that, at that point, I just didn't have the ability to sense... I should have seen her death coming a lot better. But I just wasn't that far…

CSR Maude: Beginnings (15) Catching Up

Well, that night, I had a nightmare about salesmorons. In that dream I was cleaning tables at the Diner. When I finished one table, I stood up and turned around. A salesmoron was standing right there, and would try something... I would push him away, slap him, yell at him or something, then clean another…

CSR Maude: Beginnings (14) Something to Do

I think I woke up at the normal time. Sunlight was flooding my living room where I slept on the couch. I realized that my nice coat was still on from yesterday. The fuzz around the neck is what woke me up; it itched madly. It looked nice, and kept me warm on the way…

CSR Maude: Beginnings (12) Thing called Christmas, part 1

I walked home, slowly, crying... Once inside, I took a very quick, very cold shower, crying... I got clean work clothes on, crying, even though it would be over a week before I went back to the Diner... With no cook and no customers, there would be nobody there... Nobody there... That is exactly how…

CSR Maude: Beginnings (11) Just Another Week

Third week without Edna... Holding so much at arms length... Well, life had to go on. I kept telling myself that. Last week, four salesmorons tried twice to gang-rape me (Delores' words). That was so scary. I... even one of them would be really hard for me to stop. But four... Like I wrote last…

CSR Maude: Beginnings (10) Settling In

I know I repeated the title. This is the second time I had to do this. It doesn't matter because nobody else will ever read this anyway. I like the title. I actually was early the following monday morning. This was the start of my second week running the Diner solo, after Edna died. I…

CSR Maude: Beginnings (9) Starting Over

I have few recollections about those first days I was alone in Edna's house, now my house. I mean those few days after the funeral and before I... started the Diner up... all by myself... I had already closed the door to Edna's room after she died, and I closed the other doors soon after.…

CSR Maude: Beginnings (8) Her Time

Edna was so excited! It was a monday, and she said the Diner would only be open the next 4 days, then would be closed for 4 whole days, for what she called thanksgiving. Edna was so looking forward to that time, just to stay at home and relax. I could see that she was…

CSR Maude: Beginnings (7) First Fall

The coolness of, well, not sweltering summer, it did finally begin to slowly blow across the desert. It wasn't quite as stinking hot during the afternoons, the fans were not as necessary, the shades made a little less difference... It ever so slowly began to cool down. We would enjoy a few cooler days, then…

CSR Maude: Beginnings (6) Settling In

During the heat of summer, I think we both just... Well, the heat fries your brain, and you have little left for much else. That's how I felt, anyway. Still, I was at least aware that me working so hard like that was giving Edna precious time with the locals. I saw that a lot,…

CSR Maude: Beginnings (5) Salesmorons

Edna told me often, from as far back as I could remember, that I was a 'pretty little thing'. I doubted it, and so it didn't really stick. Still, Edna warned me repeatedly about the piranha that visited the Diner that would surely be trying to get "a piece of me" is how she put…

CSR Maude: Beginnings (4) The Diner

It seems like the Diner was my first real exposure, my first real life, that I can remember, anyway. Well, wait... That's all I remember now too. But Edna had nursed me back to reality, and then she wanted me with her at the Diner during the day. I am positive that she just wanted…