CSR Maude: Meanderings (40) Day by Day

Maybe for the first time in a few nights anyway, I slept very well. Having Bill near, not worried about getting on fire inside... My man had everything, and I mean everything under control. My beloved Bill would take care of everything, anything, he would take care of me. I woke up, rolled over on…

CSR Maude: Meanderings (39) Finding a Happy Medium

Well, last night was just scary. After we were married, it would be a dream come true, and we would just revel in the feelings we lovingly created in each other. But, trying to wait, trying to avoid having the 's' word until we should... And I honestly have no idea why the spectre of…

CSR Maude: Meanderings (38) Bill’s Woman

Having a man, your man, who will put you first, who will do anything possible to protect you, to care for you... Well, last night, early this morning, I realized I had that very thing. I was Bill's woman... And it wasn't like he owned me, or anything like that. It was the exact opposite!…

CSR Maude: Meanderings (37) How in the World…

Bill called his white shorts boxers, the name on the label inside. And there is a flap in the front so men could use the restroom standing up with them on. That was one of the reasons I didn't like cleaning the men's room; that makes such a mess... Bill never does that. Well, he…

CSR Maude: Meanderings (35) Day of Rest

Last night was amazing... I finally got to wear something besides my work clothes next to my man for the night. I traded jeans and a dark blue t-shirt for one of Bill's white t-shirts and some beautiful, ladylike shorts. I think we both enjoyed that -- a little glimpse for him maybe. Well, maybe…

CSR Maude: Meanderings (34) Present

Saturday morning... One more day until we could just relax together a whole day. And, waking up next to my man... Right away, Bill had me curl up next to him again, and lay on his chest. Well, he asked first how that sounded. I didn't even wait. While I lay there, trying not to…

CSR Maude: Meanderings (33) Almost Missed…

Friday morning... We both woke up together, and Bill said he slept well, and I did too. But the first thing, Bill rolled over on his back again, and I rested my head on his chest for a little while longer. "Thank you, Bill. Starting my day like this means a lot..." We were both…

CSR Maude: Meanderings (32) Bill’s Turn

I woke the next morning. I was not laying on my side next to Bill. I guess he had moved my head onto one of my pillows last night. How I slept through that... I really must have been tired. Waiting before I got too dismayed, I realized that Bill's arm was around my waist.…

CSR Maude: Meanderings (31) Deepening Dependence

We were both a mess that morning, crying, hugging, crying some more... Well, Bill had asked me to marry him the night before. I... There is nothing in the universe I wanted more! And just a week ago, I didn't even know that... Well, I looked at the clock... We weren't late, but we needed…

CSR Maude, Post Notes

How old should you be to continue reading this story?  I don't know, maybe 17?  Still, I know I can't even enforce this.  It is just that the growth of the intimacy of devotion between Bill and Maude is an important aspect of this story. Adding the mature category seems unavoidable as a result. Still,…

CSR Maude: Meanderings (30) Having Bill Around

I slept well, and woke with the sun. Then I smiled. My hair tumbled playfully as I sat up on Ed and Edna's bed, and my head didn't hurt at all. That meant Bill was close. That is why I smiled. I deeply wanted that, Bill close. And I reminded myself that, now, this was…

CSR Maude: Meanderings (29) Slow

Well, after an amazing sunday, it was late afternoon, and I mentioned to Bill that I did have chores to do to get ready for work tomorrow. He said he still had stuff to do too, so I walked back to the farmhouse and inside. Well, I actually walked very slowly, and looked carefully where…

CSR Maude: Meanderings (28) Peace

The sun woke me up the next morning, like it usually does. I was about to jump up off the couch, and rush to get ready to walk to the Diner. Trying to remember if I had any clean clothes (dark blue t-shirt and jeans of course, my work clothes), I looked at the clock,…

CSR Maude: Meanderings (27) Just Another Customer

Well, we were absolutely swamped... And it was stinking hot... It was all I could do to keep the windows (and even doors) open, the fans pointed the right way, the blinds adjusted, and keep everyone fed with the right meals. It was a weekend later in may (Saturday I think), and people came and…

CSR Maude: Meanderings (26) Not Again…

Maybe the salesmorons hybernated during the winter, too. I don't remember having much problems with them during that time. That was probably good though. I didn't need that on top of everything else. I mean, four of them had tried to gang-rape me last fall. That really shook me up. But, after a while, I…

CSR Maude: Meanderings (25) Just Bazaar

Well, it was definitely warming up. Maybe hot is a better word. Maybe really hot. I absolutely had to carefully watch opening windows and playing with the fans. The shades needed constant attention too. This day wasn't the first time I had to do that since early last fall, but it was very hot... I…

CSR Maude: Meanderings (24) True Zombie

Well, at least it wasn't freezing cold. I had to wonder if, during the winter, maybe I had hybernated or something. Most of those really cold months, well it was right after Edna had died. I had to start the Diner up again, solo, all the while bleeding inside myself. It was just excruciating. So,…

CSR Maude: Meanderings (23) April’s Fool

Well, it was a monday, and I was walking slowly to work, to the Diner. I wore Edna's old sweatshirt, but half way there, I took it off and tied it around my waist. People said it was spring, the season. Maybe late spring, it was warming up. I was so grateful for that, at…

CSR Maude: Beginnings (22) Sigh…

Needy... Why is it that, for as long as I remember, I have to be so needy, so vulnerable? I can only remember less that a year ago, but still... My first words to Edna after she found me on her back porch... I was a scared little girl, afraid of just about everything. And…

CSR Maude: Beginnings (21) Warming Up

The next few weeks were like a slow thaw. Nothing abruptly changed, except we did have a few days that were really amazing. Well, the sun felt nice and warm, and the air was not absolutely freezing. I actually dragged a chair from the house and sat in the sun in the back yard (away…

CSR Maude: Beginnings (20) Trying to Find Warm

The next month, february, was just plain cold... well, freezing... The locals said this winter was about normal. Even the snow-storms that blew through, that was normal, too. Well, I don't like cold anyway, but snow... I didn't like that stuff at all. But windy cold weather did make me so thankful for this thick…

CSR Maude: Beginnings (19) Month of Sundays

Well, I heard someone use this phrase. It was hard to know what they meant, and I forgot to ask, or I was busy... I had to guess. It is just... That first january crept along so slowly... And I knew that I spent so much effort just trying to stay warm, well maybe even…

CSR Maude: Beginnings (18) Settling In, Again…

Starting a new work week after over a week of no Diner... I felt like I was starting all over, and had to settle in... again... And, a new year even... As I pulled my new twine tight that morning, I found myself wanting to laugh at the thought that "maybe it would change this…

CSR Maude: Beginnings (17) Bittersweet

Saturday morning I woke up late. I had spent the entire day yesterday working on my journal. That was a lot. And most of that dealt with a difficult time for me. Well, here and now, I would start back into work at the Diner in two days. I really did hope it would get…

CSR Maude: Beginnings (16) Capturing Devastating Loss

I woke up that next morning, friday morning, already crying. I knew what I had to do. As I worked through writing about Edna dying, I realized that, at that point, I just didn't have the ability to sense... I should have seen her death coming a lot better. But I just wasn't that far…

CSR Maude: Beginnings (15) Catching Up

Well, that night, I had a nightmare about salesmorons. In that dream I was cleaning tables at the Diner. When I finished one table, I stood up and turned around. A salesmoron was standing right there, and would try something... I would push him away, slap him, yell at him or something, then clean another…

CSR Maude: Beginnings (14) Something to Do

I think I woke up at the normal time. Sunlight was flooding my living room where I slept on the couch. I realized that my nice coat was still on from yesterday. The fuzz around the neck is what woke me up; it itched madly. It looked nice, and kept me warm on the way…

CSR Maude: Beginnings (12) Thing called Christmas, part 1

I walked home, slowly, crying... Once inside, I took a very quick, very cold shower, crying... I got clean work clothes on, crying, even though it would be over a week before I went back to the Diner... With no cook and no customers, there would be nobody there... Nobody there... That is exactly how…