It was like I had just woke up from a bad dream, no, a horrible nightmare… And, being awake now, remembering everything now, remembering my Shysage… there was just so much that I wanted to do, that Shysage and I maybe desperately needed to do, together… We could not… not yet… The urgency of this looming, desperate need, to bring our daughter Ariel “back” whatever that was, however we could… Trying to calm down, I told Shysage I was going to get up, then I changed back into a people, and sat up, folding my legs under me. Shysage was already a people, and he quickly sat next to me. We had our bed time clothes on, boxers for Shysage and cute white lady shorts with one of his t-shirts for me. With great difficulty “Shysage, I like our new shorts” I said quietly, then smiled at my man, my amazing Stallion.
Shysage said quietly, himself on the verge of tears “Oh, Summer, you look so amazing…”
But I guess that was all we would get… As my tears began to fall… “What about our Ariel?” This had to be first… before we lost the only chance we would ever get…
Shysage shook his head side to side a little, answered honestly “I… have no clue…” Then, crying “But we just can’t let her go…” and, still crying “I doubt I will be much help…”
“I have an idea” I said quietly. I think it was really a long shot… Looking down at the grass, I think I concluded that everything we could come up with was just that, a long shot… Still… “Let’s go try and fix that…” I said slowly.
Well, we didn’t even have the chance to get up. We heard Irene walk up, crying… My mother’s heart literally exploded inside me… Everything that Irene had been doing inside my heart up until now… It immediately made sense. She was, she is my daughter, our little girl… Nothing could mask that… I hurt even more for her… We absolutely had to rescue her… somehow… …Except I felt like I was on the verge of hysteria… At least Shysage and I were both people, maybe that…
Irene stood there crying, and said quietly “I’m sorry… I’m not trying to cause problems… I heard you crying… Maybe I should just… go…” It was quite briefly, then she added “But… …who… are… you guys…”
I sighed, and tried to calm down. “Can you sit down please, Ariel?” I should have said Irene, but… Thinking was proving to be very hard…
“Well, my name is Irene, I told you that… At least I think that is my name…” Then Irene added after thinking briefly “Well, there is a lot that I don’t really know…” Then Irene sat down.
“Honey, how can we help you” I asked quietly. Well, I really wanted us to be able to help her. And I wanted her to understand we wanted to help her.
Irene shook her head side to side. “I don’t know…” She stopped in thought briefly, then said again “I just don’t know… Part of me is missing, and I don’t know… how… what… I hurt inside, but nothing takes that pain away… And I have no clue…” Irene was crying bitterly by the time she was done putting these words together. Well, Irene, our Ariel, her crying was still pulling so hard on my insides…
“Honey, please stay here with us… It will be a lot safer for you. So many of the men in this disgusting world just want…” I didn’t have the heart to go on, but I didn’t think I needed to.
As she cried, Irene said “I know… Like I said, you are the first ones that have tried to help… me… But I don’t want to almost miss… whatever…”
That picture… I almost couldn’t go on… Because if Irene left… us… And when Irene said that, Shysage looked down and started to cry quietly. I was pretty sure he felt exactly the same thing… those words… Well, I didn’t think just talking was getting us anywhere. And I had to wonder if Shysage and I were already so close to losing it… Our Ariel Dawn… this close… talking about leaving…
I sighed, then tried this. “Irene, like Bill mentioned, the three of us, well something happened to all of us at the same time, casting us all to the wind… But Irene, and I know this is hard for you… we are your mom and dad, and something horrible happened to all three of us at the same time. That is why we all, just us 3, we can’t remember beyond a year ago.” Well, even getting that much out was very difficult. It just didn’t seem like much to me. And I knew my thoughts… Well, I wasn’t thinking so clearly any more…
But Irene clearly was thinking.
And as she was, I stood up, backed up, then rolled forward, and changed back into that white, small horse again, then laid calmly on my belly in the grass, and looked back at Irene as she sat in the grass facing me. I was trying to dredge her past, our past together up by doing this. I had no clue if it would work or not. Like I said, I didn’t have any idea if anything would work… Still, I added “Irene, we really need to keep you here with us. This world is so dang–”
Irene burst in right away. Her head didn’t hurt because Shysage was right next to me, so Irene yelled this, clearly very frustrated… “So you mean I have been searching for more than a year for two small horses? Are you serious? That is what I needed, wanted, more than anything else in the universe? That is what has consumed all my thoughts and most of my dreams? …the only cure for this augering anguish inside? I can’t believe… That makes absolutely no sense…” After yelling this, Ariel put her head down and cried loudly.
Shysage was still a people, still sitting, facing Irene but looking down, crying pretty hard himself. I really needed, maybe wanted Shysage back to being a small horse again, maybe to show Ariel… I sighed. “Shysage, honey…” I was pretty sure he knew what I wanted to do, what he needed to do. I… My heart was louder than my mind. I really was ready to cry hysterically, too. I wanted Ariel back so bad…
Shysage didn’t change into a small horse. He fell forward and curled up in a ball on the grass in front of Irene, as a person, crying loudly… I guess he had already lost it, lost himself in his devotion to our daughter… He had already given so much, to protect her, to shelter her, to try and keep her here with us… As he cried, he started saying quietly, over and over… “Oh, Ariel… Ariel, please come back…” And I realized he had probably been bottling those feelings up for days now. He was crying out…
I tried again. “Shysage, honey, I know it’s hard, but I need your help…” Shysage was ignoring me, ignoring everything, I guess he hurt so bad. He kept crying, so I just gently touched his hoof, with mine, hoping it would change him back into his light tan small horse body. It did, and he turned into a small horse. He didn’t care, and just curled his small horse body up on the grass. Laying on his side as the light tan horse he was, he kept crying, eyes closed, calling out for our precious daughter… “Ariel, please come back…”
I only then looked up at Irene… She was slowly moving to kneel down next to her dad (Shysage), her eyes were huge, and tears were streaming down her face… Ariel was reaching for… grasping after… She was forming the word but couldn’t say it… “Dad… dad… dad…”
She screamed… “DAD…”
Ariel fell on her dad, and turned into our small horse Ariel right away… Shysage was hysterical. Ariel was too… Well I guess we all were… Almost at the same time, Shysage and I got up and lay down on our bellies on either side of our precious little girl, our small horse daughter Ariel. We all cried buckets together most of that night… And, I had to realize… I so hurt inside for my little girl… I was frantically searching for some way, some means, something, anything… to bring our Ariel around. Shysage hurt so bad too. He just gave up and let his pain quietly out. But I guess that was what it took… And early the next morning, Ariel wanted mom and dad next to each other. Ariel had realized… Without even knowing it, that was what she had been searching desperately for… her mom and dad… to see them… to see us… together… again… Shysage moved next to me… Oh, my amazing Stallion… He and I cried buckets together… And Ariel was right next to me. We all just kept crying.
How in the world we had survived PonyRos’ doom, that had thrown us all to the wind it seemed, and here of all places, and even more, how we had all amazingly found each other… And, the three of us, we had almost missed… But now, Shysage and I we had each other, and our precious daughter Ariel too. Our family… We were together again… Like I said, we cried together the rest of the night.
1. CSR Maude: Revelations is copyright 2017 by Shysage. And this entire story, “CSR Maude” is vol. 15 of the Chronicles of Summer Rain