Having Irene in our house… well, Bill and I, we both wanted to help this young lady. It seemed, felt, like her life had been one catastrophy after another. I could relate to that. Edna had protected me as much as she could, which was really a lot from my vantage point now. But Irene felt so… absolutely… utterly… alone… with noone to help her. Up until today when she came, my Bill and I would cherish each other wherever we wanted; our swing, the nice grass in our back yard, the shower… Well, with Irene in our guest room, I think Bill and I concluded without talking that we were pretty much confined to our room for any cherishing that we felt we needed or wanted. This night anyway, that was fine with me. And, honestly, as I mentioned, I could not make heads or tails (I heard someone say) about all that Irene was doing inside me. I felt like I was feeling far more than simple sympathy, if that makes any sense. But it was like my brain refused to process whatever it was, but it also refused to stop trying… I knew it wasn’t her fault; I just felt so tied up in knots inside, because of Irene. But that wouldn’t stop me this particular night.

I included in a journal entry about a night over a month ago now, when I was sleeping on my Bill’s chest(1). His manliness had slipped out of his boxers, and the bright moonlight on that part of his body woke me up. I was spell-bound. We weren’t married then, and so we both had to back slowly away from that amazing night. I just waited, I was waiting. I was watching where the moon shown in our bedroom, how it beamed through our windows. The moon was almost full and very bright, and in roughly the same, right position as far as I could tell. I would try to recreate that amazement, maybe even revel in it, tonight; we were married now! Even though I felt like mush inside, I wanted to give my man that. Since that night maybe 2 months ago now, I was watching, waiting… We were married now, and I was pretty sure tonight was the night. I wanted to watch in wonder as he deeply felt what I was giving to him, as I loved him from the inside out. I had no other goal.

In some ways, Irene blasting into both our lives was a bit of a shock. After getting on bed time clothes that I know Bill treasured, I told Bill I felt so beat, and asked for some Bill chest time as I fell asleep. This was true; I really did feel a mess inside, and didn’t even know why, as I mentioned. I didn’t think I even could respond. But that wouldn’t stop me from giving. My head was on Bill’s chest. It was warm, and Bill rarely wore his white shorts any more. Bill played with my hair as it tumbled over him. Maybe he was beat too; he quickly fell asleep. I tried to stay awake, I really did. I would try to snooze, I think Bill said, then I would open my eyes and look around. Well, I really was beat, so I fell asleep. But the bright moonlight on my amazing Bill’s belly, his manliness, that woke me up again, right on time. Based on where the moon was, the slightly blue light burst in through a nearby window. It looked like I still had plenty of time. I smiled. I was also instantly awake. And, as before, my Bill’s amazing manliness looked so absolutely… beautiful to me as the soft slightly blue moonlight showed every single little detail. Just like that night a month ago, I looked in awe for a few minutes before doing anything else.

But I didn’t have to stop there, and I knew that. In fact, I had done a certain amount of planning ahead. When I touched my Bill, touched his manliness that night, that was enough to wake him up. Well, I wanted to avoid waking him until he couldn’t try to stop me. I wanted to so slowly creep into his dreams as I ever so gently touched him, touched that part of him that so vividly communicated my growing devotion to this… my amazing man. I had been experimenting with some of the lotions that Edna had in the bathroom. My Bill liked the scent of some of them. But I found one of them that, well, it was just so… soft… Well, it was in the drawer behind me now. I just needed to ease up long enough to get that out, get some on my hands. Once that was done, I could… give… I guess moving very slowly is hard for me. Or maybe I really was excited, about what I was about to do, so excited for what I was about to give my man. Bill stirred as I picked my head up. I froze, and he went back to sleep. I felt like I didn’t have much time, so I just grabbed the whole bottle out of the drawer and carefully opening it. Holding the bottle of softness, I slowly, gently put my head back on Bill’s chest. His manliness was what stirred at that! I had to suppress the urge to giggle. His manliness still looked so… amazing…

I ever so gently kissed Bill’s chest, and, just like last time, his manliness began to grow. Wow, I was so transfixed just watching that. I gently kissed Bill’s chest again, just because I so relish being able to give my man even that, to climb into his dreaming like that… As Bill’s manliness slowly grew, I realized I didn’t need to do that any more. But I had to find a way to get the lotion of softness onto my Bill without moving much, or even at all. I only had one option… I carefully opened the bottle, then ever so slowly dropped softness on my Bill’s manliness, one tiny drop at a time. That was just amazing fun, just amazing, to… watch… Starting at the tip, that took a while, because I didn’t want to wake him with a big blop of lotion. Just tiny little drips is all I did. And the lotion was warm since it was warm, maybe hot here in our bedroom. I think his manliness knew what I was doing, or else I was becoming a part of an amazing dream inside his head. Either option was fine with me. I was in no hurry, and the process of getting lotion on my man’s manliness was amazing to watch; I was enjoying that! Like I said… Wow, I was in no hurry…

But then I realized… There was a lot of lotion on my Bill! I closed the softness and carefully dropped it on the bed behind me. I know I smiled at this… Next, I used the slightest touch of one of my fingers, on my Bill’s manliness, barely getting it down into the lotion even. My Bill responded… Oh, my goodness, he responded… I needed to remind myself to breath… This was my goal… This is what I did… Watch in awe… Wait 30 seconds maybe, then ever so slightly touch my Bill… wait some more, watching him every second… This is what I wanted to do, this is what I wanted to give to my amazing treasure of a man. The moonlight showed my Bill in such amazing, vivid, beautiful detail… And moon beams positively glistened through and off of the clear, slippery lotion I had put on… Touch, wait, watching… I did that a while, losing track of time, really. And I realized at that point that tears were slowly forming, running down my face, onto Bill’s chest… I love my Bill so much… But he was still asleep… For a long time, I just kept doing the same thing, on different parts of his manliness… Ever so gently touch… Watch in awe and try to stop crying… Wait a little while… I could have easily done that all night…

But, as time continued slowly passing… I realized I was waiting a little less as I touched him… Maybe I was so enjoying the giving of the gift… Also, his manliness was responding noticeably to my ever so gentle touch in certain areas… I focused on those areas… I knew now what would ultimately happen. But I was in absolutely no hurry. I wanted my Bill to savor this, in his dreams maybe, as much as I was savoring what I was giving to him. I don’t know how long it all took, and I just didn’t care. I kept touching my man’s manliness, loving him from the inside out… But every tiny second of that entire process was just so amazing to me… Touch… watch… try to wait… And I could tell, from his manliness… I was pretty sure his feeling amazing would be soon… I didn’t stop, if anything I waited less… I wanted to bring him to that point, for him to feel my love and devotion to him… I was pretty sure he was very, very close…

Bill sighed… I had not even been paying attention… lost in my own world of giving to him… Bill didn’t move. He just said quietly “Summ–… I don’t deserve you…” I was too busy adoring, touching, feeling, giving… for this to even matter. If I would have said anything, it would have been that I didn’t deserve him! But Bill being awake, I could actually caress him now, could actually explore how, where my touching caused his manliness to respond the most… I did that, gently, carefully, lovingly… I still wasn’t in a hurry… My only concern was that it would end too soon… I was enjoying this so much… enjoying my Bill so much… Bill did finally feel amazing… I saw that, I know that, I heard that… I basically just watched in awe as that part of his body did what it was designed to do… and cried buckets when he was done… “Bill, I just wanted to give you that… I love you so much…” I said that over, and over, as he reached an arm around behind me, and pulled me close. My Bill cried with me… Watching my Bill, watching his manliness respond, to my gentle touch for way over an hour… I was excited, of course. But what I had just given my man, it was like I felt a part of what he felt… It… I just felt so amazing inside, just giving that gift to my man… We cried together for a while…

Bill calmed down before I did, then said quietly “Maude, I will die before I ever leave you hanging like this…” I guess he must have had some idea the cost I had paid, willingly, to give him that gift. Still, I was glad he didn’t stop me in the middle; that was my biggest fear. His obstinate intention to put me first in everything, even this… But he let me give to him first that night. While I still cried, Bill stacked both pillows up on one side of our bed, “so I could watch if I wanted to” he said with a smile. Bill helped me move my head up on those pillows so I could watch. I wanted to watch my Bill… And the full moon was still beaming brightly through the west windows, and it lit my whole body up brightly with its soft blue-ish glow… My cute white lady shorts needed to go; after helping with that, Bill took that lotion, laid on his side with his head on my shoulder… Bill basically, slowly, gently did what I had done to him, adjusting for the differences in our bodies. We both watched… We both cried softly… Bill wasn’t in a hurry either… And we both… But I was awake… I made a lot of cute noises, Bill said. I moved… I squirmed… I stretched… Oh my goodness, I had to, I wanted to… Bill just followed, caressed, kissed, loved… me… Slowly building… Oh, my goodness… Oh, my goodness… My Bill was making me feel so amazing inside… And when I could no longer control myself, I wrapped both hands around my Bill’s head, squeezed tightly… cried out loudly “Oh, Bill… Oh, my goodness, Bill, I could never ever leave you…” I cried that or something similar a few times, as I felt so amazing…

And when I finally didn’t want to even move, my Bill moved up on the bed, put his head gently on my shoulder next to my face, pulled me close. We cried together… for a long time… until we lost our moonlight, and we both fell asleep…


1. Maude: Meanderings, Ch. 37, How in the World

2. Maude: Revelations is copyright 2017 by Shysage.




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