When I awoke the next morning, Bill, and I, we were both still in the same positions from when we fell asleep last night. We were both on our sides, heads up on the same pillow, and Bill had tucked me as close to him as possible. And we never made it into bed time clothes last night, either. And I remembered thinking this before. It would probably just be a matter of time until our bed time clothes end up in a drawer. That would be fine with me.
I was awake, but I could tell that Bill was still asleep, and his hand was limp over my belly. I gently put my arm over his arm, my hand over his hand, and tried to weave my fingers in between his. Wow, I love this man so much… I felt his manliness move before anything else, and I just giggled quietly. That meant he was waking up though. He squeezed his fingers around mine next, then he kissed the back of my head. “Good morning, precious” he said softly.
“Bill, today is sunday, do you know what that means?” I asked lovingly. I was expecting him to say what I was thinking. The Diner wasn’t open on sundays. We didn’t have to go to work today! We could lay in bed all day if we wanted to, and maybe…
My Bill… “We get to start the day with our sunday tradition, relaxing on our swing together.” Bill said this quietly. He remembered what he had promised last sunday. I just sighed, and smiled.
I had completely forgotten about this. Well, so much had happened since then, like… we were married now! And, oh my goodness, the whole morning on the swing with just my man… That was… “With marriage clothes on?” I asked playfully. I meant totally naked, and I knew Bill understood. This was becoming a loving inside joke between us. I liked having no clothes on around my Bill, and I am positive he enjoys that too. Well, he did; I could feel from just my suggestion. I smiled inside, and giggled again. I really enjoyed just the little ways I could reach inside my man and please him.
But I should have expected about what Bill said next. Well, he hugged me close with his hand on my belly first. “Oh, Maude… Maybe tonight…” He paused briefly. “Bed time clothes probably work though.” Well, if we had to get dressed, bed time clothes were probably ok. Bill absolutely loves my short, white lady shorts and I loved both his boxers and his hairy chest. I asked about the t-shirt he had cut shorter for me yesterday, and he said that would be fine, too. He still mentioned though that the front door would be left open, and if anyone started down our long driveway…
Bill got up on his hands and knees, moved so his head was over mine, and gently kissed my cheek. I turned my head right away, and we kissed. Yes… Saving this was the right thing to do. We didn’t kiss long; there would be a time and a place for that, hopefully later today or tonight. When we were done kissing, I just sighed. “Maude, I love you so much…” Bill said quietly. While I rolled onto my back and got up, Bill collected our bed time clothes, including my shorter white t-shirt that smelled like my man, and we took turns getting dressed. Then Bill took my hand, and led me out to the front porch after unlocking the front door. He left it open like he said, then he sat on the end of the swing near the house, and I was quickly in his lap. Bill hugged me tightly right away. Of course, it was already warm out. It was the middle of summer here on the edge of the desert, after all. Well, the warm breeze felt nice.
And I could now feel his arms across the skin on my side. I just melted. But he explained that, even though I was, my body was very exciting to him, he would really prefer for us to just enjoy being close to each other, in peace and quiet, I think he said. That immediately calmed me down, and I realized that… Since Bill had removed the ‘s’ word as an option for the next few hours, we could just fully focus on reaching into each other’s souls, loving each other from the inside out. And this proved a perfect opportunity for me to practice… Bill was quickly caressing me on the legs with a few of his fingers. With one of my hands, I did the same thing, and gently caressed his arm that was around me. Then I moved to his hand… I did what my man had taught me. And I quickly discovered, giving in so simple of a way, I felt the impact too… I didn’t cry, but tears slowly formed and ran slowly down. I put my head down next to Bill’s and just enjoyed giving, and enjoyed what he was giving. It was just quietly humbling and deeply moving. I mean, the ‘s’ word is amazing, don’t get me wrong. But taking a time-out to just nurture each other, I don’t know, without the need for significant physical response… That was something so new to me. Well, ok, maybe all of this was… We both reveled in such a simple way of giving… I wondered if that was Bill’s goal after all.
For what seemed like hours, we sat there, embracing heart soul and body. Bill kept us swinging slowly, and the warm breeze… Everything felt amazing… What I felt from giving so simply… What I felt from what my man was giving so simply… I… We could have stayed there all day easily… But it was right in the middle of all this… I had heard the phrase feminine intuition a few times from Edna and others, and I had come to understand what each of those words meant separately, and had only recently been able to start putting them together. Well, Bill was certainly awakening the lady in me, with the way he cherished me so… But, I just knew… I felt that I should…
“Bill, honey, what are you thinking about?” I said this so softly; I said it into his ear. And, right after I had phrased that question, I was suddenly just a little fearful at asking… Both of us, we could only recall the last year or so of our lives, and oddly enough, from the exact same point in time… Still, I had absolutely no way of knowing what secrets each of our lives might hold. We had only known each other less than a month after all. But I didn’t worry long.
Soon after I asked that question, Bill sighed deeply. I think I am getting better at reading my man. It wasn’t a sigh of dispair, or even the ‘wow, wait a minute as I come up with something…’ I sensed immediately, it was the sigh of calm resignation. And again, I am just not sure how I sensed all of this. I realized firstly that what my man was about to say in response, it had to be very important. Then I smiled. Bills’ sigh… I realized at that very second that my Bill would never, EVER lie to me. I had no clue what he would say, but he would not hesitate to tell me… exactly… specifically what he was thinking, and anything else I asked for that matter. Tears began to form in my eyes as my female-ness quickly put these thoughts together.
Bill soon answered, calmly and quietly. “I was talking to our true friend in the sky.”
Honestly, absolutely none of that made any sense to me. But a bare inkling, a suspicion so small, lept quickly up in my heart, and so thrilled me. While I failed to perceive any of what his simple answer tried to communicate, I did realize that… I was pretty sure I had stumbled on something rooted deep in my man, that just might explain why and how he seemed so absolutely amazing to me.
I wanted to cry… “Bill, can you explain that to me? I really want to know” I said quietly. I really wanted to cry that out. Bill was now my husband, I wanted to know what made him tick, I heard another woman say once. I wanted to know absolutely everything about my man. Maybe I needed to know…
I was pretty sure my man smiled. Well, he gently pulled himself just a little away, and turned so he could look at me. He was smiling then. But he looked deep into my blue eyes, and said softly “Maude… of course, you do…” And I only then noticed that there were tears forming in his eyes too. He pulled me back to him, and we hugged tightly for a few minutes. I was fighting back even more tears. I didn’t want to cry loud… I wanted to hear every word this man was about to say.
Hugging me tightly… “Maude, I… Like I have said before, I have given myself totally and completely to you; I have put you first and foremost in my life, regardless of what it costs me personally.”
Bill was clearly not done, but… I felt like I had stumbled on a gold mine, something so amazingly valuable, to my Bill and I… I mean the ‘s’ word was amazing, and we would continue to enjoy that together, but the spectre of knowing my man’s heart… I said quietly, still fighting back tears… “Oh, Bill…”
Bill hugged me just a little tighter, but he continued. “Maude, I have felt that you have increasingly made the same committment, and…” Bill was fighting back tears now too. After a brief delay, I guess he lost it, and said “Oh, Maude, I love you so much…”
We both cried together for a little while. I think we both knew though, that Bill was still not done. I knew I needed to know more… I think he knew that too.
After we calmed down, Bill tried to explain. “Maude, us giving so unconditionally to each other, well that is true friendship, putting each other first. And we can do that to other people in our lives, but starting here, between us… So early in our relationship, I think we have both made that committment, to put each other first.”
This all clicked with me; I understood exactly what Bill was talking about, even from this… Putting others first, from my short recollections, I knew this was not a very popular approach. I also knew that the friendships we have with other people, that was fundamentally different from the amazing closeness that Bill and I enjoyed. But I absolutely understood that Bill was talking about a way of dealing with other people. And for us, that started with how we conducted our relationship, how we dealt with each other. So this… Bill was sharing his soul… My man had committed himself to me like he had, because true friendship, putting others first, that was the way he had chosen to relate to the people around him, the way he had chosen to live. It sounded like most had simply laughed at my Bill and trampled him for it. But… I just treasured him so much more… Bill’s deep and caring nature, towards me, and everyone else… It was rooted so deeply in the bedrock of Bill’s very life, this simple comittment… It would never fade or wane… And what I had concluded before… My Bill was a true friend… I would absolutely NEVER need to fight him… for anything… As these thoughts blazed quickly through my mind, I am positive, I looked up at my precious Bill, with the eyes of a child, wide open in utter wonder…
I broke down and cried as I held this man, my Bill… tightly, clinging to… He really had given himself totally and completely for and to me… In a million years, I didn’t think I would be able to find another man like this… We hugged tightly and cried together… And as I cried, I yearned so deeply to be able to do the same, give the same in return… I wanted to be able to give Bill everything, to so deeply be committed to the same foundational path in life as my man had chosen… I desperately wanted that…
Well, I think my Bill sensed some of what was going on inside me as I cried. Like I said, we hugged tightly and cried together for a while. Then he said this. “Oh, my Maude… I think you are already pursuing that committment, with me anyway, and it makes you so…” Bill couldn’t continue and cried. Well, he was seeing that in me, and that was… he was loving me so much more… When he could, Bill continued. “You just need to decide to put everyone around you first…” That was all my Bill could say, and we both cried together for a while. Well, I knew what I had to do, and it was what my Bill had already done. And, as we cried together, I realized… This was why, with each passing day, I could love this man so much more… Oh, my goodness… And this simple committment that he had made (that I was working on), and clearly shown in his every word, action, caress with me… It absolutely AMPLIFIED everything about our lives together, from having the ‘s’ word to walking to the Diner together, to serving each other in small, seemingly insignificant ways. I would absolutely die before I left my Bill…
We cried together for a while. Bill gently ran his fingers down my hair over my head, and I gently ran my fingers along his arm. But I think we both realized the incredible treasure we both held… in each other… And this was only our second sunday morning tradition… Wow, maybe we could set up a swing in the house when it got cold… I suspected though that our rocking chair would probably work for this too… I could only stand back amazed. This was all Bill’s idea, although what he shared this morning, well he clearly had not set out to discuss that.
After another hour of sitting together on the swing, and we had mostly calmed down. I just never wanted to let this man go, ever again. And I was sure Bill already felt that way about me… Bill asked if I was hungry. I quickly did the math, I think is the phrase… That would mean getting dressed, going to the Diner (although driving with my man…) and risking someone seeing the smoke from the grill… I told Bill the truth. “Bill, I just want to be with my… you…” And I know I sounded, well like that scared little girl. I wanted Bill so bad… We were married now, but I still wanted to be with him every second I could, maybe even more after what he shared… “Food can wait.” I added quietly. Bill hugged me tight, and we sighed together a few times.
It was quiet for a little while, then Bill asked this. “Can we work on your journal some? I would really like to see you keep that going.” In Bill’s tight embrace, I just smiled. I think he fully understood that I had already invested quite a bit in my journal. I really wanted to keep doing that, and I was also way behind now! I was pretty sure we didn’t need to change clothes for that either. I liked, well we both liked how we looked in our bed time clothes.
I got up, then Bill did too. Right there on our front porch, we hugged tightly, and kissed, well, for a few minutes. Well, my man… Bill said quietly, almost whispering in my ear “I think I know a beautiful woman who needs her man to take care of her tonight.”
I giggled, then said softly “I know a handsome man that has just the thing.” Then I giggled again. It seemed a crude joke to me, but we both blushed, and it communicated. With so little on, there were few secrets between us. I had actually come to cherish that part of being around my Bill.
We went inside, leaving the door open. Maybe thirty minutes later, everything was set up, and Bill was reading my writing stored on small black squares, as I typed them in on this nice, quiet computer that seemed to be able to save everything without any small black squares. We had done three entries last sunday, and we did five more that afternoon. Bill cringed as he read the entry about salesmorons. When we finished that entry, I hugged Bill and said “Honey, with you around, and we are married now, I won’t ever have to worry about that, ever again.” Bill cried in my hug for a little while, then we got back to work. We did the entry about Edna dying. We both cried a lot, Bill just had no idea. And when we were done with that entry, we decided to stop for the day. Bill mentioned that he would have liked for me to start something more recent, but that… We headed back out to the swing and cried in each other’s arms for a while. Bill kept saying “I had no idea…” as we cried. I kept saying that I still missed Edna…
Swinging on the swing together slowly calmed us down though. We couldn’t bring Edna back, and, well, I told Bill that Edna would have loved him anyway, there was no doubt in my mind. And I mentioned that I only had to wait six months maybe from when Edna died, until Bill came and rescued me. Again, I meant that as a joke, but I was crying, we were both crying deeply when I was done saying the words. We had actually rescued each other, and in the nick of time, it seemed. We cried again, together for a while, hugging tightly, and only slowly calmed back down.
Well, part of my Bill wasn’t calming down, I could tell. I giggled again. But then I remembered what my Bill had asked me recently, and what I learned this morning. “How would my amazing husband like to…” I stopped there because I was not sure how to continue, to say what I wanted to say. I didn’t want to force the ‘s’ word on him, although I suspected he would certainly enjoy that. I knew I would. I just didn’t know how to ask what I wanted to ask.
But I… Bill knew what… Maybe increasingly, he was able to feel what I was… Bill said quietly “I love you so much, Maude…” and hugged me tightly.
“Oh, Bill…” I answered quietly.
After hugging on the swing for a few more minutes, Bill asked me to get up. And the sun was still visible, but it was early in the evening, and the sun was low enough that it shone brightly on Bill, on me, and added a nice orange hue to everything, including Bill’s chest. But it was still, well, broad daylight. Once we were both up, my Bill pulled me to himself. I did remember evenings ago now, when my Bill had pulled me up to himself when we were both fully clothed, and he carefully rubbed his hands up both sides of my legs, up to my thighs, then around to my back and up to my shoulder blades. I went limp that time; it was just so relaxing. Well, I cried a bunch that first time too… Still, he did that same thing right then, and pulled my lady area close when he could. It wasn’t relaxing. Well, he did it twice. And his amazing manliness, up against my lady area, even through his boxers and my lady shorts… Wow, I was quickly so excited… Bill kissed the bottom of my ear, and I shuddered violently. “Precious, like I said, your pleasure will be my first priority in our bed.” Then he gave me a full length hug again. Wow…
“Fine, husband, take me there.” I said this with as much assertiveness as I could muster, even though I was burning up inside. I really wanted to plead with him… I didn’t need to. My precious man easily picked me up, and carried me into the house, then laid me carefully on our bed. Then he went and closed and locked the front door. I got back up immediately, and took off all my bed time clothes, and stood next to the bed. When he came back, I demanded (with a smile) that his boxers needed to go. That done, my Bill gave me a bunch more of those full body hugs, slowly, gently, lovingly, and with nothing in the way. Oh, my goodness… Oh my goodness… Each time he did that… The last time, everything, well, I guessed, slipped into place… We never made it into the bed… Bill felt it… I felt it… And we almost fell over, I almost fell over, but Bill somehow managed to hold me up, putting his arms under my arms while trying to not fall himself… Still standing, he leaned us against the bed ever so slightly, and held me up while I cried on his shoulder… “Bill, I could never leave you…” I said this a few times as I cried. We cried together like that for a while. When we could, we did both climbed onto the bed. Then we hugged tight, and cried some more. But I realized… I think Bill was lovingly… He seemed to increasingly be helping bring about my responses, the ‘s’ word, well, when I needed it. I really did miss Edna…. But I think my Bill was just serving me by drawing out that flood of pleasure in me, often at a time when it really helped me. That just made me cry harder… I didn’t deserve that…
We laid together on the bed, hugging, crying softly for a while. It was getting dark, and Bill gently helped me up and we brushed our teeth. I sat on the edge of the bed while my Bill lovingly brushed my hair. Then we were back in bed. Neither of us wanted anything on right now, and we hugged tightly and cried together some more, well a few hours more. I never stopped crying. Later that night, my Bill gently rolled me on my side away from him, then helped me scoot back over as close to him as I could get. We both cried until we were asleep.
I could not leave Bill if my life depended on it, and I am sure he feels the same way. This man had given me far more blazing pleasure than I thought even existed, and he had shown me the path of true friendship that accounted for so much of who he was, and I wanted that too.
We had only been married two full days…
1. Maude: Revelations is copyright 2017 by Shysage.