It did make me cry to realize what a change in me less than a month had made… And that was all because of my Bill…

I was slaving away as a hurting zombie eyed food service worker, just trying to survive (barely) through another bruizer day (however that word is spelled), all the while working to shove away the growing mountain of wreckage caused by salesmoron after salesmoron, trying to take away what I could never get back… I increasingly felt like I simply could not do this for years… for very much longer, even…

Bill was a sensitive, and therefore thoroughly beat up man, driving down the freeway on scrounged up gas money, in a beat up old gift of a car, heading to the desert to end his misery courtesy of the nearest rattlesnake… I had not heard his story, but I saw similar wreckage, probably from different means. Bill hurt so bad, he had already given up…

On a lark, or maybe because he was thirsty, Bill pulled off the interstate and stopped by the Diner for his last meal… My angry head stopped hurting around him… He watched me do alone what I should not have had… and he cared… about me… We found each other…

We both increasingly gave to each other, put each other first… Well, honestly, Bill put me first from the very start in such an amazing way… Aside from my angry head shutting up, just feeling that, Bill’s giving, after a year of salesmoron after salesmoron trying to brutally take… But this man and his obstinate intention to put me first… I think I saw early on… That is very rare… But the lady in me realized WHY we had what we had; we were both giving, not taking; we were both putting each other first. Well, Bill so deeply gave to me, invested so amazingly in me, really demanding nothing in return. Within days, his giving had healed such deep and searing pain inside me, and I had not told him anything. I simply could not not give back to him… I was so deeply humbled by the depth of his giving… I still want to learn that…

We bonded so quickly, and just as quickly needed skin to skin, soul to soul… Our bodies made that difficult, but as Bill pointed out, that was a temporary fight, and then it would be… amazing… And like I wrote, we both worked hard to manage our wants, so we could continue to enjoy what we really needed. And a man who would put my pleasure first…

And that new tune softly behind everything else(2)… It was such an improvement over that hideously doleful tune it replaced that just seemed to make every near tragedy hurt even worse…

Still, Bill and I, we both… All our memories start from the same point in time (last Summer), almost to the day. And Bill and I both feel that he and I were somehow together before that time. Resolving this all remains to be seen. I don’t think we are in a hurry.

But… Being with my Bill… I need that. We both desperately need that, we desperately need each other… We are both convinced one of us leaving would kill us both. I could never… How did I ever…

Now we are married, forever… Oh, my goodness!

————————-

1. Maude: Meanderings is copyright 2017 by Shysage.

2. “Angelic” from the “Exodus” CD copyright by Andy Hunter. Please purchase this tune, and play it in the background as you read.

 

 

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