Well, that night, I had a nightmare about salesmorons. In that dream I was cleaning tables at the Diner. When I finished one table, I stood up and turned around. A salesmoron was standing right there, and would try something… I would push him away, slap him, yell at him or something, then clean another table. When I was done with that table and stood up and turned around… Well, it was a nightmare. My clothing never came off in my dream, so that was a good thing, anyway… But I realized I should do a chapter on these vile monsters.

But I decided most of that chapter would make no sense unless I told about the Diner first, so I did that next. That chapter was pretty easy. I still work there, and well, I think I remember saying it is not rocket science. It is just a painfully lot of work, for me anyway. So my next journal entry was about that, the Diner. And my legs reminded me that I was sitting cross-legged on the floor again. I needed to fix that. But, I needed to fix something else, first. After hours of typing, I went to save the journal entry about the Diner, and this wierd message came up. I got out the poofy manual. The black square disk thing was full. But that same paragraph said I could put a disk in the other disk thingie and just save it there. That is what I did.

And so now I had four journal entries typed in. I really needed to ask Kasey about this. After I finished a journal entry, was I not supposed to go back and change it? I was pretty sure it was ok to go back and read it, but I needed to find out if I could go back and add stuff, fix stuff, things like that. I just didn’t know.

Well, it was wednesday and lunch time, so I heated up another burger, but just for 2 minutes this time, which worked a lot better. Add the bun, and… I took my hamburger and water out into the living room, even though the directions for Ed’s computer said to keep food away from it! Still eating, enjoying that hamburger, I sat down cross-legged again. Don’t ask me why, but I wanted to do that salesmoron chapter. I… These terrible men angered me. Maybe I wanted to actually record why that was, is. That way, if anyone ever asks… Wow, right… Nevermind about that! But I typed that chapter in, my fifth journal entry.

It was pretty late in the afternoon by the time I had that journal entry (salesmorons) done. I smiled when I was done and I had saved it. But I was soon weeping softly. Somewhere down deep inside, I felt it was right for me to have a man, for him to have me. But, the only men that wanted anything from me were these scoundrels. And they only wanted what they could quickly take, for themselves, and then they would run off and be gone. I absolutely knew that was wrong, that I wanted nothing to do with that, with them. But I ended up feeling so abandoned… I cried softly the rest of that evening, until I climbed in bed and fell asleep.

I felt better the next day, thursday. It didn’t take long for me to end up sitting cross-legged in front of my antique computer. Well, I tried sitting on a cushion from one of the nearby chairs to see if that would help. I think it helped a little. But I wanted to do a chapter about my typical day during that summer with Edna. This chapter came slow, and ended up short. Life at the Diner during the summer was just hard. The only thing I enjoyed, which I came to increasingly enjoy more, was sitting and listening to Edna reminisce in the evening. It was like she took me to a whole different world, where she and Ed were. Well, it was before I came, anyway. I used to sit and listen to her talk for hours; I just soaked it all in. There are only so many ways you can say that. The journal entry seemed short to me.

I made a burger again for lunch, and ate it as I started the next journal entry. It was about that fall. I had some good ideas, and started typing. But, the longer I thought, I realized… That fall ended with Edna dying on she and Ed’s wedding anniversary, still just a month ago. The journal entry about that fall… It also came out pretty short. I don’t know if Edna always disliked hot summer weather, but she did that summer, and was so glad for fall, and the cooler weather it brought. That cool weather brought some changes to how we did our evenings, but it was still me enjoying Edna’s vivid memory. But, as I typed in that chapter, I knew what was coming. I honestly wondered if I could even bring myself to do that journal entry…

The sun was still up some when I saved the two journal entries I had done. I got my coat on and sat on the porch for a little while. I stared blankly across the frozen desert until it was too cold. I cried as hard as I dared. When it was too cold, I went back inside, took my coat off, and got in bed, crying.

I still missed Edna…

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1. Maude: Beginnings is copyright 2017 by Shysage.

 

 

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